I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
