she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
