She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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