this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
