just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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