OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
