I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
