You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
