i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
