thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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