my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
