when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
