Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
