oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
