I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
