You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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