I accidentally burped into my bong.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
