loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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