dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
