You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
