yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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