Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
