i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
