Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
