So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
