its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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