My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
