He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
