i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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