Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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