I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
