Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
