when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Who died my cat blue again?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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