Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
