im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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