i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
