y did u give ur computer a hand job?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
