I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
