He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
