yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
