I wannas sexs uuuuu
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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