I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
