Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
