After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
