All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
