apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
