Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
