Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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