I puked a lego.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
