I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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