Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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