I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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