Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
