I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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