Quick, to the slutcave!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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